Angel's among us

If I ever doubted the power of the promptings of the spirit, this week has proven to me how strong that power really can be when acted upon. It started off with me feeling down in the dumps one day. I was missing my friends. I was missing my family. I tried calling a few people to talk to, but with no luck. I was couped up in my house during this freezing period of winter feeling alone and depressed. I think the winter time does that to a lot of people, right? Tell me, Im not the only one.

Anyway, just as I was thinking, I should just sit all day and wallow in my self-pity instead of being productive, came a knock at the door. "Dang, you mean I actually have to answer the door looking and feeling like this? Who could it possibly be, and what are they selling now?" If my kids werent the types to run to the door screaming "Ill get it!" every time they hear a knock and peer out the window, I probably would have ignored it. But by now, they knew I was home. I had to answer. To my surprise, as soon as I answered it, a bouquet of flowers was placed in my hands, with no other explanation than "here...because your special." and off they went. It was a drop and run...literally. I stood looking at her with a bewildered look on my face, wondering what I had done so "special". But as I entered the house, an amazing thing happened.

I smiled.

This person, this neighbor who I know had problems of her own to deal with, took 5 minutes out of her day to make me feel better. I dont know how she knew...she didnt know how I was feeling. Most likely she just felt a prompting to bring something to me with no more reason why than I had, and she followed through. She was an angel.

Not 2 days later, a couple of the kids were sick with fevers, coughs, and runny noses. I mentioned it to a friend as an excuse to cancel something. A couple hours later, there was a pack of Gatorade left on the doorstep from her. I wanted to cry. Twice in one week!? Where are all these helpful people coming from?

A couple more days pass. Brylee was still sick. She hadnt been sleeping well for days. She hadnt been eating. All day long, all I could do was hold her while she cried. Feeling exhausted and frustrated, I managed to pull together something for dinner while listening to Brylee cry the whole time. Still, the kids complained about the food on their plate, and questioned why there wasnt more variety. Unfortunately Ryan had to go back out as soon as we finished eating; to fulfill his yearly opthamologist appointment, taking Madi with him. I had to survive a while longer on my own. When Ryan returned, he came bearing more flowers, this time in the form of a dozen red roses. Im so thankful for my angel of a husband who is receptive to my need for a little extra love, and a show of appreciation.

Oh, Im still not finished, it gets better. Another day passes. 5 days after the first showing of illness, and 6 after my destruction of self-worth. I put it out there in facebook world. People always share their frustrations there...why cant I? More comments than normal came my way, the "Oh I hope you dont get it" to " I know how your feeling" and "I hope your feeling better soon". But one person in particular decided to come to my rescue...again. A couple hours later, I received yet another knock at the door. It was another angel, this time bearing the most awesome care package you could ask for. Complete with a full dinner, boxes of Kleenex (which I happened to be totally out of after all the nose wiping going on), mineral water, popsicles for the kids, and a Take 5 (candy bar) for me. I was so relieved that I didnt have to come up with another dinner through crying children again. Seriously, what did I do to deserve this outpouring of love? Ryan aside, I havent done anything noteworthy for these people, and here they were serving me and my family. 4 different angels, 4 different days all in the same week, and all following promptings to serve. I didnt ask for this. They didnt ask either, they only acted.

So I have had my eyes opened. If I learned anything from all this, it is that I want to be like them. I want to be the kind of person who can pick up on a prompting and follow through with it, even if I dont know why. No questions asked. Just do it. Ill feel better, and I know they will too. I also learned, that even in the winter months, Im not alone. I do have friends here, people who care about me. Silly me, thinking no one cared. How wrong I was! We are never alone. Someone knew what I needed, and showed me His love. His love through the kindness of others.

And if you are wondering, There is still sickness at our house. Im feeling it, Brylee is still feeling it. With the 7 of us, it may be a while before it works its nasty way through us all and goes away. But somehow, now it feels a little bit easier to handle.

Thank you to all my angel's this week!

*Also, if you happen to have your sound muted, take a second to listen to the first song on my playlist at the bottom. Its perfect for this! Love it!*

A Good Day

Just a quick shout out to our friends the Hess'. Maybe you have been following their story (link on the side of the blog), maybe you have helped them out, and maybe you have even prayed for them. If you have, then this is for you. The news as of yesterday is that he has BEATEN cancer! He is now in REMISSION! We are so happy for them and grateful that ours and many others prayers have been answered! This couple is amazing! If you have followed their blog, you know. They have both been through so much and have fought it all with love, determination and faith. The way Margie put together a whole support system and kept it together for him was inspiring. I know their love and faith has grown from this experience, along with all of those who have supported them. We are so blessed to have gotten to know them, only if it was for a short time, and so happy and relieved that they have pulled through this! Thanks to everyone who prayed and helped them even when you didnt know them personally.

WAY TO GO GUYS! TEAM RYAN HESS RULES!

One word

The new year is upon us again, and what does that mean? We all know it...goals, resolutions, expectations, new hopes, dreams and...blah blah blah. Let me just say this: these things have never really worked out the way I plan them to. I hate making resolutions, and putting a time limit on myself. It makes me feel so much pressure! And then what happens when the end of the year comes, and I havent reached my goals? Im a failure! Nobody likes being a failure, right? Well it happens to me almost every December. Im not patient enough to wait a whole year for something to get accomplished. If I dont stay on the right track in that first 3 months, I give up. Every year I set the same goals, like reading the scriptures every day. If I miss a day, well, thats it! The goal is broken. Why even try anymore? Ive already failed. I know, I know...we need to challenge ourselves. But I resolve simply - to improve. Improve on anything and everything. If I just try to read my scriptures more than I have been, than that should count for something, shouldnt it? Any improvement is a step up. And shouldnt we strive for improvement all the time? Not just at the beginning of the new year, and then forget about it by March if things dont go our way? I like to think that "every day is a new day" (Thanks to Chicken Little for the tag line.) I can decide to make a new goal in July if I want to. And what is the deadline? Whenever I reach it, thats when. It might take me 5...or 10 years to lose that extra 20 pounds, but as long as I am constantly trying, then I should in turn be at least improving a little bit. And if I keep improving a little bit at a time, then soon I'll be perfect right?! (hushed laughter)

With that said, I so much like the idea of a new word to exemplify, better than that of a concrete set of resolutions with a deadline. I can have forever to work on characteristic improvements. Im still working on my word from last year (which by the way, was set in February, not January). I dont think I will have it fully mastered for a while, maybe ever; but Im still trying. (To look back click here: http://ryheathtaylor.blogspot.com/2009/02/better-late-than-never.html ) So instead of giving up on my last years new found inspiration, Im going to add to it. I think after trying to cherish and appreciate my children more last year, and worry less...I have lost a lot of my patience. And I need to get it back to be able to look past all those little things that shouldnt matter. So my added word to strive for now is:

PATIENCE

One would think that with 5 kids, you must have gained a lot of patience. But I think with every child I have had, I have lost a little bit more of it, until presently I'm almost completely out. While I tried to come up with all the ways to describe why I need to replenish my patience, I realized there are so many different forms of that word. So I decided to start in the dictionary. Heres what I found:

Main Entry: 1pa·tient
Pronunciation: \ˈpā-shənt\
Function: adjective
1 : bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint

2 : manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain

3 : not hasty or impetuous

4 : steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity

5 a : able or willing to bear —used with of b : susceptible, admitting

— pa·tient·ly adverb

Yep. I need to work on all of em. I dont think Im much of a complainer like in def. 1, but I dont know that I bear my burdens calmly. I hate it when things go wrong. I hate it when my kids do certain things and I end up yelling at them. (Look, I just complained...and Im gonna do more just to prove a point. Just know I dont normally do this, and have PATIENCE with me! ;) ) I need to calm down. Things really arent as bad as I make them. Whats the big deal if Im in a hurry to get out the door and Zack wants to wear his snow boots to church? I can be a sane, rational adult and talk to him calmly about putting his church shoes on, instead of freaking out and ripping the boots off of him and screaming "GET IN THE CAR!" to all the other kids. And if he doesnt listen, then whos really going to care if he's wearing snow boots with his dress pants to church? He's 2!

And if that old lady in front of me is driving 5 miles under the speed limit, do I need to pass her or ride her bumper? No. By the time I get around her I will most likely get stopped at a red light and she will be right back there behind me, stopped with me. It could only possibly shave off an extra minute or two in the end. What difference does that make?

And then theres having to wait for people. I have always been a pretty punctual person, so when Im ready to go, and Im left sitting in the car waiting, it drives me crazy! When Im ready to play a game and people are sitting there talking, Im like"C'mon people! Lets get with the program and do what we came here to do!" When its time to eat...we eat! When its time to play...we play! There just isnt time for anything else but what is on my agenda! Why dont people understand that! Of course Im being sarcastic, and I hope you sensed that. The point is, PATIENCE Heather.

Patience with getting that new job or promotion. Patience with fixing all the little blemishes around the house, or getting the basement done. Patience with reaching that desired, (seemingly impossible) waistline. Patience with my goals. Patience with my family. Patience with myself. Patience in all things.

I love the last definition in the dictionary, where it says "able or willing to bear ". If we are not patient with other people, how can we be sensitive to their needs? How can we help those around us when we are only thinking about the mile long list we need to do for ourselves, or where we need to be in the next 5 hours? How can we understand them? What Ive realized, is that on the rare occasion when I am being patient, at least with my kids...I listen better. They listen better. They behave better, because I listened and didnt get upset right away, or jump to conclusions or place blame. If I honestly sit down with them and listen and talk in a calm voice and try to reason with them the best that I can, eventually they will calm down in return. Its like a fungus...it spreads! Patience spreads like happiness! And if we are all a little happier, then I can cherish my time with them more.

Christmas 2009

As quickly as Christmas came, it went away. The yearly dilemma we face full of all the anticipation and weeks of buildup, all to be over within a few short hours. But its so worth it. I think we really hit the mark this year with the presents. Dont you hate it when your kids get a gift and end up playing with it for a week and then get sick of it? Well, not this year! No sir-ee! They are going to enjoy these gifts for a while. But lets back up a bit.

This year, I decided to be ambitious and make all the kids pajama's. A few years ago, their aunt made them some nightgowns that they loved so much, that they wore them until they were rags. I wanted them to have that again, and I thought "Hey, it couldnt be that hard to make a nightgown, right?". Well, I never could have done it if it hadnt been for a patient and kind friend who walked me through the whole process and taught me how to read the patterns. I never knew that clothing patterns spoke such a different language! I have only sewed one other item of clothing in my life and it was long ago, so I didnt remember much. So thanks to her, they all got the night gowns (with the exception of Zack) that they all love! They were a huge hit, and they wore them all Christmas day.

In addition to opening their beloved pajamas on Christmas Eve, we also did a re-enactment of the Christmas story. The stars this year were as follows:

Madison-Mary

Zack-Joseph, Shepherd

Katelin-Angel

Alissa-Wise Woman

Ryan-Donkey (again), Wise Man

Heather-Shepherd

Brylee-Sheep

Madison even performed the whole giving birth process and Zack delivered. Boy, was that easy!

Christmas Eve night was the longest night in Christmas history thus far. The kids just did not want to sleep! 3 of them ended up in our room, and I was up almost all night with Brylee. She must have sensed all the excitement. Katelin even got up around midnight while we were still up, and got upset with us because we weren't in bed yet and Santa couldnt come until we were sleeping. Ryan gave her the whole, "Oh, its only been a few minutes since you went to bed, so its okay. Go back to sleep." And she was like "Really? It feels like Ive been asleep for hours!" Silly girl. Needless to say, we were pretty tired all of Christmas Day. But who can sleep on Christmas? We were too busy opening, assembling, cooking, and cleaning up small pieces of everything off the floor so Brylee didnt eat them; to catch up on any sleep. Good thing we had Saturday to sleep in...oh wait, our kids dont sleep in-they wake up at 5:30. The good side to that is that we got out early to catch the after Christmas clearances, and I got another tree for next year, along with some more decorations. How much longer until it comes again?

So back to the presents! Along with the kids getting exactly what they wished for this year, I think some of the best gifts were those that the kids had hand made. Katelin and Alissa worked together to create a very well written story about a girl and a snowman that was given to Ryan and I. Alissa also made an animal book for Katelin that was very cute. Madi made a cute sparkly snowman ornament in activity days for Ryan which we love, and a necklace, ear rings and bracelet for me. Alissa painted a picture frame in preschool, and Katelin also made an ornament in school. I think they were by far the most cherished and loved them all and the idea of them working to create something special for us.

So thats about it, for the short story anyways. Enjoy the slide show which enhances the Taylor Christmas story further! We hope your Christmas was happy too!

Happy 30th Heather!!!

I will start this posting by stating that this is Ryan and this is my first post. This way you wont wonder throughout reading this why it is not as well written as most the other posts on this blog. So please be understanding of my attempt to post and say a few things about my wonderful wife without noticing I am not blessed to be as good as writer as Heather.
Unfortunately for Heather having a birthday in the Christmas season and the crazy schedules that often come with it sometimes her birthday isn’t recognized as much as others. She always does such an amazing job of celebrating everyone else’s b-day and thinking of others, I decided that this year would be different. After all it was the big 30th birthday!
On Wednesday I took the day off of work and we had a good time celebrating her actual birthday with the family. A friend took Zack to a museum and watched him for a while so we could go help Alissa make a gingerbread house at her school. Than this friend watched Alissa, Zack and Brylee so Heather and I could go out for lunch (so Heather could eat her favorite meal – BREAKFAST). We than did some last minute Christmas stuff until Madison and Katelin got home from school. Later that night we opened presents, did the cake/ice cream etc… Heather has wanted Guitar Hero for a very long time it was fun to finally get her this and see her excitement as she opened the present (like a kid on Christmas minus the jumping and screaming). We played the game late into the night and had a blast.

Heather getting help opening present

Setting up Band Hero

Zack rocking out!

The funnest part (at least for me) was still yet to come. I had been working with a friend for a while on planning a surprise party for Heather. Of course I couldn't tell Katelin or Alissa or their tricky mother would certainly get the surprise out of them but we managed to keep the details secret throughout. Things were going really smoothly until a few days before the party, Heather started getting very suspicious of everything and I honestly thought she was on to the big party. So Friday finally came and the plan was being executed perfectly. We dropped the kids off at our friends so we could catch a movie and come back home to play some games before we pick up the kids. As I am pulling up to the house I saw no cars around our house at all, and my immediate thought was did they forget or am I coming home too early. Than Heather saw our cat and said I know I left him in the house when we left. She was now catching on to exactly what was happening. As we came in the door she saw streamers coming down from the door and she kept backing up (lots of attention toward her and big surprises aren’t usually her favorite thing). However, I being the insensitive brute that I am gently guided (pushed) her through the door to a house full of friends, food, decorations etc… We had a great time talking, eating and playing some Band Hero (I found that I may have competition as being the worst singer around…), and just having fun. Unfortunately, the camera battery died immediately upon our arrival so there are not many pictures.

Madi decorating for the party while we were out

Heathers picture right as we walked in

Party Time

I really appreciate all those that helped in celebrating Heather’s big day. I also would like to give a special thanks to those that helped me plan and put this thing together. Finally, I would like to express my gratitude to have such a wonderful person as my wife. She is so unselfish, honest, loving, kind, helpful, patient, and thoughtful. She really makes our family function and brings so much happiness to each of us individually and collectively as a family. I treasure her and love all that she is and that she does – truly an amazing person. It was fantastic to have friends to take some time to join in and helping do something for her to hopefully let her know that she is loved and valued. While she really enjoyed the people and games I think she is done with the big surprises for a while.

The big ONE!

Well, its here...Brylee's first birthday! We cant believe how fast this year has gone by. Our last baby isnt a baby anymore! What a bittersweet time. I am excited to move onto new things, and be done with the baby stage, but I have also loved having a little one around to let me cuddle them and just sit and watch them play contently without making a mess or getting into an argument with a sibling. I have to admit that I wasnt so thrilled to go through it all again, but it has been fun to watch her grow and develop.

Brylee was definitely a Christmas surprise. We are still trying to figure out how Santa granted that wish for Katelin (or the dandelion stalk fairies). I admittedly cried when I found out we were having another one...for weeks! I didnt know how we could fit another child into our family, or our car for that matter. We couldnt afford another one. We would have to push back that family vacation a little longer. I would have to wait an extra 2 years for all the kids to be in school, so I could pursue my own interests. But I really felt like I couldnt do it again. I'm not the type of person who can raise 5 kids! I dont have the patience or the ambition to do it. And I definitely didnt want to go through labor again! All selfish reasons, I know...but I really thought I was done! I was pregnant...again, and going to have to accept it whether I thought I wanted it or not.

I started to try and come up with reasons why Heavenly Father thought I needed another one. There must be some mistake...does He not know me and my capabilities at all!? The only thing that I could come up with, was that Zack needed a brother. Poor kid...stuck with all these girls! So I thought I knew this must be the answer! I started to cope with this thought, and feel a little excitement. I can put my own desires aside for the sake of Zack. Then came time for the ultrasound. Ive never had that motherly instinct where I knew what kind of baby I was going to have. My intuition was wrong with every single one of them! I let my hopes and wants get in the way of reality. This time was no exception. Of course...it was another girl. " What! Are you sure? Look again!" Nope, a girl. The tears started again! What the heck do I need another girl for?! I already have 3 of them! My original feelings returned.

I felt bad for myself almost the whole nine months. Pregnancy never went so fast! Then the big day came. I was so far from being prepared to give birth, I didnt know how I was going to do it again. But of course, there was no stopping it. I considered getting an epidural for the first time in my life, because I just didnt want to feel that pain again. But I took it a little at a time, until it was time to push, and I did it. I made it through naturally again. And then I looked at her, and heard her cry. She was beautiful!

Thoughts of shame entered my mind. 'How could I not want this precious gift from God? He has trusted me enough to send me another one of his children to love and to nurture. He must think I am doing a good job. I am honored to have his seal of approval. She was coming into our family to offer us something new. To teach us new things...and bring us joy. Thats it...her middle name. Its Joy. Its perfect for this, the Christmas season. She will bring us joy, how couldnt she? She is a miracle.' Every moment from that point on, I have tried to make it up to her...my feelings of resentment toward her; my lack of faith, and prayer on her behalf. When I was alone with her in the hospital I would just hold her, and look at her in awe. I tried to apologize for not wanting her. Could she have really felt that? I hope she couldnt sense the absence of love, that the other kids had been given in the womb. I didnt talk to her or try to bond with her. What kind of a person am I? She was perfect! I vowed to her to never let her feel unloved again.

And for that reason, she may be a bit spoiled. Its whats caused me to pick her up as soon as she cried. That kept me nursing her the whole last year, even through teeth biting and long sleepless nights. The longest I ever went was 5 months. She didnt have to learn to take a bottle or have to be alone if she didnt want to! So its my fault she has just learned to crawl, and isnt walking or pulling herself up, or even sleeping through the night. She knows I owe her one, and she has me wrapped tightly around her little fingers, all 10 of them! Whatever she wants, I need to get it for her! And you thought it was all the other kids fault! Nope, its all me...trying to make it up to her, trying to prove to her that I care.

And through all that, she is still the happiest and most content baby we have had. Aside from not wanting a bottle and not sleeping...she is perfect. And as I stated..thats my own fault and I deserve it!

So here we are, a year and 6 paragraphs later. And what have I learned? I thought I knew what I needed and wanted, but I didnt. I thought I knew what I could handle, but found out only one person really knows that, and He will test us to our greatest ability. I learned not to question Him. To submit to his will. I can do it if He says I can do it. I have been doing it. She is getting older, just like all the other ones and growing too fast, just like all the others.

Now that you have read another one of my novels, I will get to the goods. The stuff you all scrolled down to see. The first birthday details. We started out by having her favorite meal for dinner, baked ziti and bread sticks. Of course today, of all days, she didnt want her ziti. Its okay, its her birthday, and I love her! Then it was off to open presents! She was assisted by 3 helpers and then robbed of her new toys by one. Ill let you guess who. Then she was presented with a 22 cupcake balloon bouquet and one big candle to reach out and try to touch, blown out courtesy of those same 3 helpers. The cake mess we were hoping for did not happen. She only wanted ice-cream today. I think the pink and purple frosting freaked her out! And last of all, what does a one year old need after all that excitement? Bedtime. Hopefully tomorrow she will get a little more peace to play with her new toys.

Did you guess who the toy thief was? Zack thought it was Christmas already, and tried to open his own present. When he saw the fun new things Brylee was getting, he just couldnt resist! Who could blame him?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!

All the turkey details

Now that all the hard work is over, and the food is mostly gone, I finally have a minute to sit down and post a Thanksgiving update. Is all your food gone too? Is it just me, or does it seem like an awful lot of work to go through just for a nice dinner that gets eaten within 30 minutes? Then the continual snacking and pie eating over the next 2 days takes its ugly toll on our waist lines, which continues over the next month with an abundance of Christmas candies. But what a better way to show our thanks...at least our thanks for good food, right?

Enough about that Heather, get to the details!

So I was complaining to Ryan recently about how Im never in any of the pictures we take since Im usually the one behind the camera. I mean, I want our kids to remember me too! So he made an obvious effort over the last couple of days to stick me in front of the camera. Why, oh why did I mention it!? My poor husband cant win. Oh yeah, now I remember why Im the one behind the camera-I usually dont like pictures of me. But here they are anyway, pictures lacking Ryan, and displaying too much of me. Did I mention, the camera adds 10 pounds, or 20 or 30?

I got the smallest turkey I could find at 10.11 pounds. The good thing about that is that it only took about 3 hours to cook, especially since I didnt put stuffing in it (you know, because its bad for you to eat it...or if you didnt, than now you do!) Instead, I just stuffed a lemon up its...you know what, and covered it with butter and spices. Madi was excited all day to help out, and putting an apron on made her even more gung ho, so here she is posing with a lemon.

The kids wanted to try this chocolate chex caramel crunch stuff, so while the turkey was cooking, we added that to our list of preparatory foods. Yum, caramel!

Finally the cooking was done and it was time for devouring! Im not posting a picture of the turkey because I dont want there to be a "who has the best looking turkey?" contest, but you can catch a glimpse of it on the table. It turned out pretty good, although if you really know me, you know I am kinda a meat-a-phobe and tend to overcook fleshy things really well, so we dont catch its various diseases. Well, dont worry, I didnt overcook it...but therefore I was worried the whole time that it wasnt cooked enough, and ate it sparingly in fear of whatever the undercooked turkey had in store for us. No one ended up getting sick, so I guess it was cooked enough. Bon Appetite!

After dinner, we headed over to a friends house for dessert and games. It was good to wind down and have some laughs. We dont get to do that enough. I actually prefer having dinner as a family, and then getting together with friends afterward. It makes for less stress, and a good balance of things. I guess thats about it. I could make a list of all our thankful things, but that would take too long, so I will just say...Im thankful for all of you who still follow our blog and put up with my ramblings, and post a comment even though you dont have to. It makes us feel so loved! Hope you had a happy thanksgiving too!