One word

The new year is upon us again, and what does that mean? We all know it...goals, resolutions, expectations, new hopes, dreams and...blah blah blah. Let me just say this: these things have never really worked out the way I plan them to. I hate making resolutions, and putting a time limit on myself. It makes me feel so much pressure! And then what happens when the end of the year comes, and I havent reached my goals? Im a failure! Nobody likes being a failure, right? Well it happens to me almost every December. Im not patient enough to wait a whole year for something to get accomplished. If I dont stay on the right track in that first 3 months, I give up. Every year I set the same goals, like reading the scriptures every day. If I miss a day, well, thats it! The goal is broken. Why even try anymore? Ive already failed. I know, I know...we need to challenge ourselves. But I resolve simply - to improve. Improve on anything and everything. If I just try to read my scriptures more than I have been, than that should count for something, shouldnt it? Any improvement is a step up. And shouldnt we strive for improvement all the time? Not just at the beginning of the new year, and then forget about it by March if things dont go our way? I like to think that "every day is a new day" (Thanks to Chicken Little for the tag line.) I can decide to make a new goal in July if I want to. And what is the deadline? Whenever I reach it, thats when. It might take me 5...or 10 years to lose that extra 20 pounds, but as long as I am constantly trying, then I should in turn be at least improving a little bit. And if I keep improving a little bit at a time, then soon I'll be perfect right?! (hushed laughter)

With that said, I so much like the idea of a new word to exemplify, better than that of a concrete set of resolutions with a deadline. I can have forever to work on characteristic improvements. Im still working on my word from last year (which by the way, was set in February, not January). I dont think I will have it fully mastered for a while, maybe ever; but Im still trying. (To look back click here: http://ryheathtaylor.blogspot.com/2009/02/better-late-than-never.html ) So instead of giving up on my last years new found inspiration, Im going to add to it. I think after trying to cherish and appreciate my children more last year, and worry less...I have lost a lot of my patience. And I need to get it back to be able to look past all those little things that shouldnt matter. So my added word to strive for now is:

PATIENCE

One would think that with 5 kids, you must have gained a lot of patience. But I think with every child I have had, I have lost a little bit more of it, until presently I'm almost completely out. While I tried to come up with all the ways to describe why I need to replenish my patience, I realized there are so many different forms of that word. So I decided to start in the dictionary. Heres what I found:

Main Entry: 1pa·tient
Pronunciation: \ˈpā-shənt\
Function: adjective
1 : bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint

2 : manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain

3 : not hasty or impetuous

4 : steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity

5 a : able or willing to bear —used with of b : susceptible, admitting

— pa·tient·ly adverb

Yep. I need to work on all of em. I dont think Im much of a complainer like in def. 1, but I dont know that I bear my burdens calmly. I hate it when things go wrong. I hate it when my kids do certain things and I end up yelling at them. (Look, I just complained...and Im gonna do more just to prove a point. Just know I dont normally do this, and have PATIENCE with me! ;) ) I need to calm down. Things really arent as bad as I make them. Whats the big deal if Im in a hurry to get out the door and Zack wants to wear his snow boots to church? I can be a sane, rational adult and talk to him calmly about putting his church shoes on, instead of freaking out and ripping the boots off of him and screaming "GET IN THE CAR!" to all the other kids. And if he doesnt listen, then whos really going to care if he's wearing snow boots with his dress pants to church? He's 2!

And if that old lady in front of me is driving 5 miles under the speed limit, do I need to pass her or ride her bumper? No. By the time I get around her I will most likely get stopped at a red light and she will be right back there behind me, stopped with me. It could only possibly shave off an extra minute or two in the end. What difference does that make?

And then theres having to wait for people. I have always been a pretty punctual person, so when Im ready to go, and Im left sitting in the car waiting, it drives me crazy! When Im ready to play a game and people are sitting there talking, Im like"C'mon people! Lets get with the program and do what we came here to do!" When its time to eat...we eat! When its time to play...we play! There just isnt time for anything else but what is on my agenda! Why dont people understand that! Of course Im being sarcastic, and I hope you sensed that. The point is, PATIENCE Heather.

Patience with getting that new job or promotion. Patience with fixing all the little blemishes around the house, or getting the basement done. Patience with reaching that desired, (seemingly impossible) waistline. Patience with my goals. Patience with my family. Patience with myself. Patience in all things.

I love the last definition in the dictionary, where it says "able or willing to bear ". If we are not patient with other people, how can we be sensitive to their needs? How can we help those around us when we are only thinking about the mile long list we need to do for ourselves, or where we need to be in the next 5 hours? How can we understand them? What Ive realized, is that on the rare occasion when I am being patient, at least with my kids...I listen better. They listen better. They behave better, because I listened and didnt get upset right away, or jump to conclusions or place blame. If I honestly sit down with them and listen and talk in a calm voice and try to reason with them the best that I can, eventually they will calm down in return. Its like a fungus...it spreads! Patience spreads like happiness! And if we are all a little happier, then I can cherish my time with them more.