My 2011 Word

I have a confession to make.

Im not a very good listener.

I have especially been noticing this lately. My mind wanders when someone is talking for more than the normal amount of time required to give a simple reply to a question. When my kids ask me something, I often interrupt them to give them the answer. Even if I think I know the question, I should let them finish sharing their side of the argument before I jump to a response. It drives Zack crazy. He has shown reasonable frustration with me and has told me on more than one occasion "Mom! Just listen to me!" Ryan has even caught me on several occasions wandering off and not paying attention to what he is saying, or reading. Sorry Hun.

My brain especially switches gears quickly during church, or scripture reading. Granted, I usually have more than one little rascal climbing over and on top of me during church. But on the rare occasion that they are quiet, I still cant concentrate on the speaker. Even when its just me at a Womens conference or training of some sort, I find myself somewhere else.

While driving in the car, I must have the radio on at all times. I miss out on many opportunities to talk to the kids while they are trapped with me inside the car. It would help if there was no arguing going on, but still. The other day, my Zack again told me while in the car "The radio is too loud mom. Mom? MOM! The radio is too loud!" It really wasnt that loud, really. But after turning it down a couple times and still being yelled at from the back seat, I decided it wasnt worth the good song that was on, and I just flipped it off. I was frustrated for only a second and then realized...hey, its kinda nice having some quiet. See how much kids can teach us!

I dont know whats wrong with me. Maybe its ADD. Maybe Im bored. Maybe Im just too distracted. Maybe Im a dreamer, have an overactive imagination, or Im just plain rude. Whatever the reason, I have chosen to work on it this year, so my word for the year is:

LISTEN.

I found the Chinese symbol for "attentive listening", and really enjoyed how they portrayed it. I need to learn how to give my undivided attention. Usually my attention is divided into a few different directions. I dont know if its normal or not, but I have conversations with myself... inside my head...on a regular basis. I find Im much easier to reason with and get along with then other people. I always give myself the response I am looking for, and I always come out feeling like I made a very good point. If only I could be this articulate and make this much sense when I am talking to other people. I can never seem to find the appropriate and wise response to others like I can in my own head. It always comes later, when I am re-playing the conversation in my head and thinking about what I really should have said. Maybe thats part of my problem. I start thinking of responses to the beginning of a conversation, and in turn forget to listen to the end of it. By the time they are done talking, I have wandered into a complete separate isle of my brain. I know that probably falls into a whole seperate mental issue.

I hesitated telling you all this, because I dont want people to stop talking to me. I do listen most of the time. I just have a hard time when the person talking to me just keeps going...and going, or when I am disinterested in the topic. I would not make a good shrink. As much as I want to be descibed as a good listener, and be able to give useful advise...I dont think I have ever earned that title.

Did you notice the heart at the bottom of the symbol. I especially loved that. Listening is not just something we do with our ears. It requires our heart to be involved as well. If I can get my heart more involved with others...the rest should come easy. I have so much to learn from people with different experiences than me, so why should I only listen to those who I relate too? On the occasions that I have paid attention and listened to someone who is so much different from me, I have really enjoyed it. It needs to become a more regular occurrence. It also shows the eyes. Ah, eye contact-another key to listening that I fail on.

So, if you are still listening, here are the 5 main keys I decided I need to work on in able to achieve my goal.

Dont interrupt.

Be more loving.

Be undivided, concentrate.

Care

Make eye contact.

And please dont stop talking to me, because then I will never reach my goal. I know I have given you ample reason to believe I am crazy, but hopefully with your help, I can become a little less crazy. I hate having to ask people "what?" when they ask me something. Or even worse having to admit "oh sorry, I wasnt listening." This especially happens with telephone conversations, so I try to steer clear from those. So if I tell that to you, then just smack me upside the head and remind me to PAY ATTENTION! Thanks!