Is it just me, or does it seem like there are a lot of kids running around without any sort of parental discipline at all? Bear with me here, Im about to go on a rant...I need to vent!
During the summer months, I have observed the neighborhood children out frolicking about the neighborhood and roaming from house to house...playing on everyone else's swing sets, trampolines, and in their garages. They have even come into my house and asked me for a snack. Excuse me...what? I am not the local snack vendor! I can barley afford or want to give my own kids snacks, let alone all their friends. The only reason they get 2 snacks a day, is because the school requires that they bring a snack to school. Now they are hooked. I make it a point to tell my kids to try not to eat all the neighbors food. Maybe its just the way my kids are, but if they eat too many snacks...they dont eat their meal. And I would much rather them be a little hungry and eat their dinner all gone, then fill up on empty calories and sugar all day. If they are hungry, they should come ask me. Do the neighbors not eat actual meals? Is snacking the new dietary recommendation? Im just trying to crack the cool mom code, because Im totally not getting it. Why is it, when I call my kids in for lunch/dinner, the other kids stay out and play? They look at me like Im from another planet because I want my kids to take a break to come in and eat a meal. How rude am I!?
Do these parents have tracking devices installed in their children? Do they have a bug planted so they can hear their conversations? Even now, nearing the winter months, when it gets dark out by 5:30 pm...I am always the first to call my kids in when I can no longer see them in the darkness. Am I neurotic? Paranoid? Out of line? Just strict maybe? Just when I think Im being the cool mom by letting my kids stay out a little longer against my better judgement, I look out and still see the neighbors running around in the darkness! Dont get me wrong, my kids (specifically one who's short and curious) have been seen wandering where they shouldnt. They have been in places where I have had to go look for them. But when this happens...they are sure to face the consequences of their actions. They know, the rule is that they dont go anywhere without my knowledge. I want to know where my kids are. I welcome the neighbors to play over here, so I can see what my kids are doing...as long as they ask, and they dont want food. =)
Now, we have great neighbors. We really, really do. They are social, friendly, they keep their yards groomed, they dont make domestic disturbances...they are just what seems to be - good people. I just cant complain about our neighbors. But as we all know, being outside of Utah, not everyone shares your same values. This doesnt make them bad, just different. We like diversity. Its no big deal to us to decline a birthday party because it is being held at Chuck-E-Cheese on a Sunday. But what happens, when that same neighbor invites your kids for a sleep over in that same week in which the party was declined? To some you say...let them go. But being the strict parents we are, we have decided to make the rule that our kids are not allowed sleep over's at friends houses. Its for equal treatment really. What may be fun and safe at one neighbors house, may not be at a school friends house when Uncle Joe (the ex-pedophile) shows up for a surprise visit. Im just not comfortable sending my kids to sleep at someones house who I just met.
So first, NO you cant go to that super fun birthday party that is being held on Sunday, and second, you CANT sleep over either. I AM the mean parent on the block. (Just to clarify, they are allowed to sleep over here.)
So lets re-cap:
rule #1: No snacks right before meals.
rule # 2: I must know where you are at, at all times! (they are still kids for petes sake!)
rule # 3: ask permission before going into someone elses home, both mine and theirs.
rule # 4: No sleep-overs at friends houses
rule #5: Sunday is for family time. We can go visit and do things with other people, as long as we are all together. No recreational activities. (Its just once a week!)
So now my question(s) to you is...am I so mean? What rules do you enforce at your house concerning friends? How do you handle sleep-overs? I really must know if its just me being out of line. Please tell me there are other parents out there who discipline their children! I always wanted to be the cool mom...its just not working out for me. You cant be cool and a responsible parent at the same time! At least...I cant.
14 comments:
If you're a mean mommy, so am I! These are all perfectly reasonable rules. With the sleep over thing, we allow our kids to go to the party with the understanding that they can only stay until 11:00 (we'll make curfew later as they get older and show more responsibility). Sleepovers, even in good LDS families, can lead to sooo many problems! We're not even going to risk it!
Amber- I have thought about letting her go over and stay late to play, and then come home to sleep. I might have to offer that to her tonight. Thanks for the feedback! Im glad Im not the only "mean mommy"!
I almost posted about my neighborhood woes recently too but never got around to it. Maybe I still will someday because I am floored by the lack of supervision I see.
Of course we all know I am ULTRA paranoid so maybe I am the wrong person to ask. Alyssa is the only one of my kids old enough to go to other people's houses (Alex can only go on pre-arranged play dates, usually I go with him). When Alyssa goes to someone's house, I walk her there and pick her up at a specified time. She is not free to run around the neighborhood. I see 3-4 year old kids out riding bikes all day in the middle of the street. Kids that I don't know show up at my house and I make them walk me to their house or give me their number so I can call and tell the parents where they are and what time I am kicking them out. The parents are annoyed by it. They have told me they know the kids are playing outside and I don't need to inform them. Um, actually if they are at my house I will be informing you. Once I even had two spanish kids show up (ages 2 and 4) accompanied by some of Alyssa's school friends. They could not even understand me, and even the 2 year old was riding a bike in the street, alone. I never could figure out who they belonged to.
As for snacks, I will give neighbor kids snacks if they are over but only if it is snack time and my kids are having a snack.
I think I have driven most of the kids away though. One girl used to come over every day and about a month ago she came as we were heading to the library. She jumped in the van and told me her mom wouldn't mind if she tagged along with us. Heck NO! She wasn't even going to go home and ask, and she is only 6 but she told me she didn't need a car seat. I told her she could not come with us. We haven't seen her since.
I know I am overprotective. I admit that but I still can't justify letting my kids run wild. My kids are not even allowed to play in the front yard and they can only play in the back if I am with them, or in the kitchen where I can see them. So don't feel bad, I am the least cool mom around.
As for sleepovers, I am undecided. I told Alyssa we would decide when she is 8 because I think any younger than that is too young anyway. Here is the problem though, I think I need to make a firm rule one way or the other. If I tell kids they can sleep at my house but my kids can't come to their house that could be offensive. Why am I any safer than they are? How do they know I don't have a psycho lurking around my house? I LOVED sleepovers as a kid which is why I am still undecided but there will definitely never be sleepovers with kids whose parents I do not know.
Alright, I could go on but you are probably already sorry you asked.
Julie- That is crazy about the girl jumping in your van! I would have kicked her out too!
As for the sleepovers, I just though it more fair to not do them at anyone's house, rather than say "you can sleep over at this house, but not this one." It just relieves controversy. I see what your saying about letting them come to our house though. Hopefully if I explain it to them, they would understand where Im coming from and not think that I think Im better than they are. Definatly something for me to consider.
You are not mean at all- you are a good, responsible mom.
I see that in our neighborhood too although ours isn't as friendly so I don't have to worry about it as much with Abi because she doesn't have any 'friends' over here since she's not in school with them yet. There are always kids outside and at night you can hear them running around and being crazy well after dark.
I see kids Abi's age outside all the time playing by themselves. I feel bad that she doesn't always get as much outside time as she probably should but until we have a fence I just don't let her out there unless I'm with her or Doug is.
I feel the same way about sleepovers too. I loved them but it is just too dangerous. I'll let her friends sleepover but it would have to be someone we knew really well and trusted completely and had no relatives living with them or older brothers for us to let her go somwhere over night (like my sisters house :)) I wouldn't let her sleepover at most of our relatives houses either just because I don't want to invite the situation.
I feel like a strict mean mom most of the time with the bedtimes we enforce, the way we don't let her treat her toys and furniture, etc so it's good to find out we're not the only ones on some things.
You are a great mom- not mean at all!
Sounds like a concerned caring mom to me. Dealing with sleep overs has always been a pain. It doesn't get any better. The schools here love to have what they call lock ins. Which means they start at 6 at night and stay in the school and up all night till 6 in the morning. I have been the mean mom and gone and picked up my kids around midnight. This last one was a night mare. Baxter fought to stay all night and I gave in and told him he could stay till 1. first because they were doing school work till 1 second he did have seminary the next day. When I went to go pick him up he was more than happy to leave and informed me that he never wanted to do that again.
I have to say it is joyful when they finally figure out why you have the rules that we do. They had kids that were sneaking out to smoke. He said that he will never go to another one. I have to say victory!!! It only took almost 16 years!
As for the neighborhood. I always have all of the kids over here. I will some times give out snacks but not usually and during the summer when they come in begging for drinks I tell them where the hose is.
It is totally ok to be a "mean" mom and inforce those rules that seem to make sense to no one but you. Eventually your kids will get it.
Sorry me again. I just read the Mortensen's about letting them stay till late. That is what we have always done. If they are doing stuff in the morning we will take them back. They usually are the only ones who are not crabby!!!!
Even people who live in Utah are psychotic pedophiles. Why do you think they made up that rule in primary about having companion teachers.
back when;I preferred the kids at my house even if they were noisy -- during day hours - easier when little. I often had to deal with opposing view even from the home front. as moms maybe only know 1/2 what's going on out there as it is---and can better monitor their welfare with those rules. Good you are "at home" mom especially as kids get older.
Ditto, right on, and amen, sista!! You are a very smart mom to want to keep such tight tabs on everything, and I am totally on board with you. You'll never regret doing everything you can to keep them safe and secure. This does not make you paranoid or overprotective, just smart! I went to a million sleepovers as a kid and nothing ever happened, but we've already decided there won't be any of that for our kids. Jared worked in a kind of rehab home for juvenile sex offenders--in Utah at that. The stories he can tell are horrifying, so feel very good about trying to protect your children!! Go you!
Hey Heather,
You know what our street is like, kids are everywhere. We all send kids home for lunch and snacks, if not you could be giving out 20 snacks a day. We even went as far as to tell the kids unless the mom offers the snack you never asked, as mom's we all talked about this and it made last summer a lot nicer.
As far as sleepovers we say no to all. None at my house, none at yours. This saves on that line of why do the Wright's think they are better than us line and I never have to answer the question of can I have a sleep over because the kids all know they answer is always no.
We do lateovers, the kids go until 9pm at first and then it goes to 10pm and so on. This is a great way yo teach them a curfew without them knowing it. My kids all watch the clock because for every minute they are late home they lose 10 minutes off the next one.
I am the official mean mom and am very okay with it! One day they will love they I protected them and gave them rules which taught them to be respectful.
I feel the need to clarify again...Im hoping people didnt misunderstand what I was saying when comparing Utah to other places. I am not prejudice against people who are not Mormons. I mearly meant that in Utah, if you are of the same religion-then you get to know your neighbors a lot better. You see them and talk to them at least once a week, and know more about them. So it was easier to allow my kids to have a sleep over when I knew the parents fairly well. Even their classmates at school who they were friends with were most likely in our ward. But here, you dont get to know your neighbors as well. I would feel comfortable with the ones across the street or next door, but the other friends from school-I know nothing about. So we made the general rule to not allow sleepovers, in order to be fair to everyone. But now I am questioning whether we should have sleep overs here as well. I dont want people to think we are thinking we are better than them. But the point is, I am very aware that bad things happen everywhere, even Utah. I hope that fixes any thoughts of me being really ignorant or prejudice. This is why I dont speak my opinion very often...I always say something that I fear is mis-interpretted and end up being afraid that I look like a jerk!
So funny! We invited some new neighbors over for Sunday dinner yesterday. We had just met them on Saturday. The kids showed up to eat, but no parents!! I tell ya, your post was very timely! I guess I'm going to need to establish some boundries with this family early on!
Hey I just read through all the comments regarding sleepovers and such. Heather you and I have had this talk many times and I feel the same as you do. I am a mean mom as well, I don't feel like I need to supply the neighborhood with snacks! You are 100% right, if they eat all the snacks they DON'T each dinner! I hated the fact that you had to supply snacks at school! That drove me nuts.
As far as the sleepovers go, I went to many a sleepover when I was a kid but the fact of the matter is.....times have changes A LOT and it is just not the same world it use to be.
After working for the Juvenile Court, I saw and heard so much crap that it has scared me! It is just not a safe thing. Not to mention that other parents may not have the same values as you do. I have allowed McKenzie to go to a few and I have found that a lot of parents are more interested in being the "cool parents" and leave the kids unattended and unsupervised in the late night "antics". Not to mention that the kids are total bears to deal with the next day after the sleepover. Of course there have been a few exceptions (as you know)and those have worked out well but in the future I have decided that it is just not a thing to entertain.
Post a Comment